Sharing money with a partner

As many queer and t4t couples do, my partner and I come from very different financial circumstances. One of us had an upper-middle class starting point, and has talents that are valued by capitalism. One of us comes from a single-parent household, and has talents that are (unjustly) undervalued by capitalism.

We have shared money in different ways over the years, while trying to keep things equitable between us.

At first: Each person paid for the date activity they suggested. Example: One partner would suggest dinner and a movie, and pay for both. Then the other would suggest ice cream in the park, and pay for that.

When we moved in together: We split shared bills 70% / 30%, to account for a difference in income.

When we opened a joint bank account: We each contributed 70% of our income to the joint account, which paid for shared bills. Everything else stayed in our separate accounts.

Now that we’re in a deep, long-term commitment: We consider almost all of our money (and debt!) to be ours. All of our income goes into the joint account, which pays for all bills, debt, groceries, etc. Then we each transfer a set amount of money to our own separate accounts, as our spending money. We make sure that we each end up with the same amount of spending money per month, so that we have equal power when deciding whether to order sushi for dinner!

To my Felix: thank you for being such an incredible teammate, for holding your boundaries, and for growing with me <3

The takeaway: Do what is authentic to you in your relationship's current stage! Don't let anyone (including me!) tell you that you have to do money any particular way.

If you and your life partner could use a space to figure out how to do money together, check out my Partners in Dime program!